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PS: Do not read if you gonna deem this post as Emo. It is not emo-ing.
On 30th Nov saturday
morning dance trg with Rahim. I think now I can’t catch rahim’s style. lol. But ok.. the choreo quite nice still. Then after went to have lunch with some pple at BK. slacked.. went back oschool, find some of SYDC hommies, went BK again den back for recital trg at 6.30pm.
After recital prac which ends around 10plus. Supposingly to take mrt with some of the people. But I said I want to buy drink. So I went off alone. Trying to find some store in Raffles city shopping mall but all shop closed. So I walked along Citylink, as I walked, I walked further to the 7eleven. Bought drinks from there. End up I walked to suntec as I have no money to take MRT anyway, and to the bus stop outside Convention Hall.
I look thru the bus number signboard, there was no bus direct back to my house. But there is a bus no. 162M. This bus - meaning a route to your previous home @ bishan. So I thought, if the bus come in awhile, I’ll take the bus, transfer to bus 88 and take a long ride home. Right after I looked at the signboard, looked out for bus, the bus 162M came. Don’t know is it fated or what.
So I took the bus. The route the bus took to reach your house is all that familiar, it reminds me of of many things. The places that we once shopped together, the bus-stop that we usually waited for bus 162M. Seeing couples boarding the bus, reminds me of us. As the bus is near your house area, I saw bus 88 past by. Which mean I missed my last bus. -.-’
Still, I alighted at the stop opposite Bishan North Shopping Mall, where we would usually alight. Walked crossed the traffic light, den withdraw some cash for cabbing. But after I withdraw, I didn’t take cab straight away. I dunno why. My feet just keep bring me walking. Maybe something keep telling me, since I’m there already, why not walk a memory lane?!
Crossed the traffic and climbed the stairs that leads to your block. The traffic and stairs which reminds me of helping you to take photo for your “light and shadow” assignment. Past by the seat under a block, where I once waited 3-4hours for you, and I even fell asleep at the place. Then walked alittle more and reached your block.
Under your block, the seats where we used to sit is still there and I took a photo.
the view I see
I guess you don’t even remember what is “the view I see”. It is a drawing by you on a piece of foolscap paper when we sat at the seats during one of the nite I sent you home (it was drawn before we became an item.) Stated on the piece of drawing - 1.00am but no date written. To think of it, it was like 2 years plus ago. woah.. time flies. not gonna post the drawing up. lazy..
I walked to the back of your block, looked up to see the window of your room. But I guess I didnt manage to grab a view of it. I continued my journey from your block. The path we walked from your house to Junction 8. Many events appeared in my mind.
Path along Catholic High School, now it is being sheltered from the school to the bus stop. I remember the last time I walked the path with you, the shelter just started constructing. Oh well, but of cos it was 2 years back then. The song “編號89757″ by JJ Lin came to mind while walking along the path. Memories of you sing to the song and doing “dance steps” according to the lyrics make me smile.
Then the traffic lights to Junction 8. Wonder if you do remember, we once squatted down halfway off the traffic light and looked upon the sky for Moon/Stars. I could still remember the smile of yours. Beautiful and mesmerizing.
I walked further down and away from Junction 8 so the cab fare would be lesser. I was walking down the road alone thinking of the sweet memories I had then I noticed a couple from a distance but I can feel that they are quarrelling. And when I walked past, true enough, they are quarreling. In my heart I was like saying to the couple: “如果彼此愛著對方, 就不要為一點小事而吵. 不要等到失去後才後悔” haha.. Dramatic.. And I think I have dejavu of the scene above and my mind was saying something like the one above.. Strange enough huh.
Den I flagged a cab and told the uncle, my address. Surprisingly he asked me, which part. Then I told him near TPJC. and he say oh say st34 la. I tot he lives somewhere near as he knows my area well, but he lives at woodland. This goes to show he got good memories, and that he fetched alot of passenger that lives at my area. I felt that it seems like he had once fetched me from bishan 2years back.
So yup, I wanted to save money on MRT, end up spending more on cab and reached home around 1am. $17+ for a trip to “Memory lane.” It was rather nice feeling though, to walked alone the path once walked by 2person after 2years. Many things have changed in that area. your block signboard changed color to blue, the field opposite the estate builded some sort of leisure park.
I wondered if you did walk the path again? Guess not.
A beautiful memory I’ll keep. 
Each time on msn, all I could do when you are online is, typed a msg but never sent to you. Or jus by keep looking at your nick and trying to guess wat it means.
Some nite before I sleep, I wanted to send a good nite msg to you, but I didn’t know what to send or I’ll just type and not send it, delete it.
I dun feel I love you the way I used to be, but I missed you girl.
Backstreet Boys – I Still
Who are you now
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow
What do you do
At this very moment
When I think of you
And when I’m looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that
No matter how I fight it, can’t deny it
Just can’t let you go
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything’s been said and done
I still feel you like I’m right beside you
But still no word from you
Now look at me
Instead of moving on
I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
Yeah, I’m stuck in a moment
That wasn’t meant to last (to last)
I’ve tried to fight it, can’t deny it
You don’t even know that
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything’s been said and done
I still feel you like I’m right beside you
But still no word from you
No, no
I wish I could find you
Just like you found me, then I
Would never let you go
(need you, care about you)
Though everything’s been said and done, yeah
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I’m right beside you (like I’m right here beside you)
But still no word from you
UPDATED – 28th Nov 2008
So fast that I have blogged 100 Posts in wordpress since start of this year.
Meaning 2008 is ending very soon. That very very fast.
Let’s talk about today’s MP Judging… and D*** A**, I was late for like around 5min for the judging and was sort of being ”reprimanded” by the judging lecturer. Blame myself for late. I know I shouldn’t be late. But who knows he will be early.
“Do you know today is your judging? why don’t you come early to prepare?”
Of cos I know. But I only got to know about judging after I asked my supervisor if we have judging? We didn’t even receive any email regarding bout the judging. Even though we ask our supervisor, he emailed us, we didn’t even receive any information. Lucky we saw him at the lab, if not I think we don’t even know when and what time. So if we didn’t knew there’s judging, den never go, is it our fault or the fault of the school?
I think the school or should I say between lecturers there’s miscommunication. My supervisor said one of our member is different presentation time, but the judge said should be same. And he asked if there is anything we can demo to him about our training for MP. -.-’ Supervisor say no need demo, den the judge want to see. So is there miscomm? or my supervisor just heck care?
The judge told my supervisor, one already late, den one nv come. And worst is, the judge ask me one question on what is “NDISwrapper.” Then I dunno how to answer. Siao liao lah.. Den my fren answer. I nv touch on that topic. Is just all the topics we learnt individually and den put into one ppt slide.
After everything, the judging lecturer say, is not about how good the end result is, is the attitude. Obviously talking about me being late. Woah lao, want see good attitude say lah. den I dun have to do the MP report and note down all those things we have done during MP till like 5am (which end up the judge didnt even ask for the MP report. ANGRY!!!) Then couldn’t wake up on time.
Shit man. I think my MP grades ain’t gonna be any good one. Pray hard..
Sometimes I think, it’s really unfair. Like pple who is high authority then you can be late or what. but you cant be late. Then those high authority late no need apology (okay, maybe some will). Oh well, this is life isn’t it?Okay, I will not be late.. But please, the school system needs to be revise. One lecturer say this, the other say this.
I really think the MP/SIP period is waste of my half a year although I had learnt stuff.. Said represent school for WSS competition, end up I never get to go. Den still have to do the training. And I think I got the Anxiety Attack (I still have the lost feelings at times now) from staying in the small room for too long. 830-530 everyday in that room which is not any bigger than my bedroom for 6months. It’s like hell. and it’s usually super quite as there is only 3 person in the room. -.-’ I think I got abit of Claustrophobia from this MP/SIP too. OK. Enough of saying. Talk bout something else.
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I think I should really focus on my studies now. Super jia lat. I dunno what am I studying now after 6 weeks of school. and Projects is coming up. and it’s not gonna be easy. Jia You junwei. I can pull my grades up!!! in any case other den the MP grading. -.-’
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Oschool Recital in like 10days. I’m quite excited about it. I think cos there’s something or should I said someone makes me much more excited about the nearing of recital. haha.. I hope I’ll at least get to see her before/after the performance. Best is able to talk to her. Oh man.. I think in my dreams.. hahaha.. Ok..now the feeling is not that I want her back. I have lost the feeling of wanting her back in my life. It’s a feeling that I want to know her once again, like we just knew each other and started being fren.
I wonder how is she and her bf now. Friendster shoutout seemed like something happened between the two of them plus the status of single. Hmm.. maybethey are ok.. oh well.. why do I seemed like I still hoping for a chance. -.-’
Anyway, saw her msn personal msg, I think is about going either Turkey or one other place. and then display name is asking beard papa whether he will missed them. Wanted to talk to her, but yet and again, I dun have the courage to talk to her and ask bout the nick. Got a feeling that she’s gonna be gone from sg for quite sometime. mayb years. Oh man. if that’s the case, I think I will………..
Oh yah, I knew she going to watch recital cos she came to ask me whether my nick is about her. lol.. it’s actually JJ Lin’s song lyrics. but wow, i’m glad that she come and ask. the nick not totally bout her I guess. partly cos i think is nice.
do you still read my blog? I think yes.
我還想她
淚水將我淹沒 到底誰該難過
究竟是誰放掉 這段感情
我才終于明白 辦不到的承諾
就成了枷鎖 現實中 幸福永遠缺貨
請告訴 她 我 不愛他
笑著難過 自我懲罰
想終止這一切掙扎
橫了心 說真心謊話
別告訴 她 我 還想她
恨總比愛容易放下
當淚水堵住了胸口
就讓沉默 代替所有回答
我才終于明白 辦不到的承諾
就成了枷鎖 現實中 幸福永遠缺貨
請告訴 她 我 不愛他
笑著難過 自我懲罰
想終止這一切掙扎
橫了心 說真心謊話
別告訴 她 我 還想她
恨總比愛容易放下
當淚水堵住了胸口
就讓沉默 代替所有回答
我不愛 我不痛 我不懂
我的心 早已掏空
真心話 言不由衷
請告訴 她 我 不愛他
笑著難過 自我懲罰
想終止這一切掙扎
橫了心 說真心謊話
別告訴 她 我 還想她
恨總比愛容易放下
當淚水堵住了胸口
就讓沉默 代替所有回答
別告訴她 我還想她
就讓沉默 代替所有回答
==================================================
I want my hair back!!!
Why I so stupid go cut until so short and some more so ugly. -.-’
Sianed.. hope it will still have the nice shape back. I wonder how long it takes for the nice shape to come back. guess it would be back soon as next year would be NS already. Argh… Stupid…
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UPDATED
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Card for FTL
Locker
FUNK YOU
Don't think... FeeeLLL!
It's not hallmark, it's lockmark
Laugh One Laugh
Drawing credit: Estee?!
Card for Comm-based performance
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Finally a hectic week of 3 quizzes ended. Have been staying till like 4plus 5plus am recently for reports and quiz. I think I become China’s Treasure – Panda already. Not having enough slp makes me can’t focus on anything. Term Test is in 2 weeks time. Gosh. I better start studying now. Projects coming up. It will definitely be more stressed. Argh.. Jia you bah. 11 weeks more to graduation (excluding term break/study week). Which means, 55days more and I’ll be free and think of my plan after NS. Should start planning long ago..
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This 4 songs. Beautifully written.
Some simliarity in the songs either in tune or lyrics.
but of cos, it’s Jay chou and Vincent Fang(方文山) works.
Will compare other song in other post. Enjoy.
我不配
這街上太擁擠 太多人有秘密 玻璃上有霧气誰被隱藏起過去 / 妳臉上的情緒
在還原那場雨 這巷弄太過彎曲走不回故事裡 / 這日子不再綠 又班駁了幾句
剩下般空回憶的我在大房子里 / 電影院的座椅 隔遙遠的距离 感情沒有對手
戲妳跟自己下棋 / 還來不及 仔仔細細 寫下妳的關于 描述我如何愛妳 妳卻
微笑的离我而去 / 這感覺已經不對 我努力 在挽回 一些些應 該体貼的感覺
我沒給 妳嘟嘴 許的愿望很卑微 在妥協 是我忽略 妳不過要人陪 / 這感覺
已經不對 我最后才了解 一頁頁 不忍翻閱 的情節 妳好累 妳默背 為我掉過
几次淚 多憔悴 而我心碎 妳受罪 妳的美 我不配
給我一首歌的時間
雨淋濕了天空 毀得很講究 妳說妳不懂 為何在這時牽手 / 我晒干了沉默 悔
得很沖動 就算這是做錯 也只是怕錯過 / 在一起叫夢 分開了叫痛 是不是說
沒有做完的夢最痛 迷路的後果 我能承受 這最后的出口在愛過了才有 / 能
不能給我一首歌的時間 緊緊的把那擁抱變成永遠 在我的怀里妳不用害怕失眠 哦
如果妳想忘記我也能失憶 / 能不能給我一首歌的時間 把故事听到最后才說再
見 妳送我的眼淚 讓它留在雨天 哦 越過妳劃的線我定了勇氣 的終點 / 雨淋
濕了天空 毀得很講究 妳說妳不懂 我為何在這時牽手 / 我晒干了沉默 悔得
很沖動 就算這是做錯 也只是怕錯過 / 在一起叫夢 分開了叫痛 是不是說
沒有做完的夢最痛 迷路的後果 我能承受 這最后的出口在愛過了才有 / 能不
能給我一首歌的時間 緊緊的把那擁抱變成永遠 在我的怀里妳不用害怕失眠 哦
如果妳想忘記我也能失憶 / 能不能給我一首歌的時間 把故事听到最后才說再
見 妳送我的眼淚 讓它留在雨天 哦 越過妳劃的線我定了勇氣 的終點 / 哦妳
說我不該不該 不該在這時候說了我愛妳 要怎麼證明我沒有說謊的力气 哦請告
訴我 暫停算不算放棄 我只有一天的回憶 / 能不能給我一首歌的時間 緊緊的
把那擁抱變成永遠 在我的怀里妳不用害怕失眠 哦 如果妳想忘記我也能失憶 /
能不能給我一首歌的時間 把故事听到最后才說再見 妳送我的眼淚 讓它留在雨
天 哦 越過妳劃的線我定了勇氣 的終點 / 妳說過我不該不該 不該在這時說了
愛妳 要怎麼證明我沒有力气 告訴我暫停卻算不算放棄 妳說我不該不該 不該在
這時才說愛妳 要怎麼證明我沒有力气 我只有一天回憶
———————————————————————————–
最長的電影
我們的開始 是很長的電影 放映了三年 我票都還留著 冰上的芭蕾 腦海中還在
旋轉 望著妳 慢慢忘記妳 / 朦朧的時間 我們溜了多遠 冰刀划的圈 圈起了
誰改變 如果再重來 會不會稍嫌狼狽 愛是不是不開口才珍貴 / 再給我兩分鐘
讓我把記憶結成冰 別融化了眼淚 妳妝都花了要我怎么記得 / 記得妳叫我忘
了吧 記得妳叫我忘了吧 妳說你會哭 不是因為在乎
說好的幸福呢
妳的回話凌亂著 在這個時刻 我想起噴泉旁的白鴿 甜蜜散落了 / 情緒莫名的
拉扯 我還愛妳呢 而妳斷斷續續唱著歌 假裝沒事了 / 時間過了 走了 愛情
面臨選擇 妳冷了 倦了 我哭了 離開時的不快樂 妳用卡片手寫著 有些愛只
給到這真的痛了 / 怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢 我懂了 不說了 愛淡了
夢遠了 開心與不開心一一細數著 妳再不捨 那些愛過的感覺都太深刻 我都
還記得 / 妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢 我錯了 淚乾了 放手了 後悔了 只是
回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢 / 怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢 我懂
了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了我都還記得 / 妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢 我錯了
淚乾了 放手了 後悔了 只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢
———————————————————————————–
I think I can dance already. ok. mayb not full. but at least the pain start to go already. But still, bending hurts. Mayb a few more massage helps. hahaha.. Thanx to those who help me massage. I think only got Estee and Joycelyn. haha. thanx anyway. Estee Daughter, dun say I nv thank you loh. haha.. thanks for the short massage.. Appreciated. 
I wanna dance like them. Prepix. The very first dance video I watched is their dance, intro-ed by Train. I like their style. from groove till now, I think alittle bit of LA style.. haha.. They inspired me to dance. Hope I can be like them, someone who inspire people to dance or go for their dreams.
where should I started updating? hmm.. let me think.
hmm.. ok. let’s start with HRC’s CFG video. Here is it.
I think this is our last show’s video. Quite messy though. But the music is super loud can. You can’t heard it from the video that it’s loud. But den on stage, the music is like blasting in my ears. And oh. after watching the video. I think my hand goes back to strengthless and anyhow throw, plus I not on beat, plus I do wrong steps plus many thing else. arg…
What else to update bout. hmm.. Start from last tuesday.
Went to Mel’s house for HRC post CFG’s performance celebration on 30th with the other HR hommies. haha. that’s a very long event name. haha
who’s there. hmm… (Jeff, Marcus, Mark, Karen, Candy, Kexin, Grace, Ben, Lester, Jin Wen, Freddie, Yvonne and me)
How dope can it be. 13 people in a 3 room flat. haha.. but candy jie and grace didntstayed at his house. so 11 people stay on. haha. Was watching “horror” movies. 3 shows – 4bia, Sweeny Todd, Silent Hill. Personally, 4bia not that scary.. but still the few kids kena scared. lol.. Sweeny Todd was a nice movie. But I didnt watch through out. so didnt really know the story. Silent Hill was ok. But I fell aslp watching halfway. Was too tired. imagine watching from 12plus till like 6plus in the morning. haha.. So till near 7am. everyone was slping. Den we ordered mac breakfast… So I was very late for my extra locking prac with the juniors. Opps. paiseh. but junji take over. haha..
After the extra prac with the junior’s at SMU, went to meet my buddies at Katong - Aston for dinner and advance celebration of Kim’s bday.
Thursday, locking extra prac. But den didnt do much. I think I very waste time. Always meet them nv do much. Den I was online and try remix song till friday morning. so me and my parent went to sent my sis off to US. Had noodles as early as 6am at T3. After that went home and prepare for locking prac. 1030am locking but I reach late again. But still, the previous item haven finish practice. So till 11 den start. So jj clean the steps. Then in the after have extra prac with them, which we can’t do much oso cos not everyone is there everytime..So locking formation is like not done in any way. -.-’
After the extra prac. slack awhile. Den joycelynsay go dinner together with few more others but den I waited quite long for hh4 to finish prac. So I fell aslp in TAC studio 2. by the time, it’s more den 24 hours I haven slp. After dinner, reach home bout 10pm. Slp till sat morning.
Sat morning have dance prac with AnAn for seniors. Learnt something called Tone Whop. I think that’s how it’s spelt. Den showcase of Musical item. OMG.. I want to hide myself when it’s locking turn sia..SomemoreIan was outside the studio looking. -.-’ And I feel that locking is the most chui one. Goodness..
After dance trg, went for lunch andslack around. den back to oschool for recital training.. My goodness. I think after going for AnAn and Xuehui’s training, I feel I can’t dance. and I deproved alot.. haiz.. my alignment and all is like chui. and I think I starting to hunch back liao. Argh…. I think I really cant dance. The feeling just sucks.
After recital, went to find HRC at SMU’s settlers. They were playing games. so after that went for dinner and I go to mel house and ask him help me remix the song for locking again. He took only 40mins to remix. unlike me. -.-’ Thanx Mel.
Sunday, have to sacrifice my HRCrew’s session due to having extra practice for lockin’ in school. I was late again. Sorry. I’m very paiseh that I always late. But I guess it was a good prac. The sacrifice worth it as long as the junior can improve. At least I see abit of improvement.. Work Harder lockin’ Girls. I wanted to scold you all, like wat others told me to. But den, I didnt scold, still I will say you all.. I believe you all need to get use to the groove and enjoying doing locking. Jia you lockin’ girls. If you all get to see this post. haha..
After the extra prac, went to oschool for popping recital trg. It’s very fun.. Dope.. haha.. I had fun doing popping.
Something random. Of what I dreamt of.
Dunno when, I dreamt of my ex randomly. Can’t really remember. I think we meet up somewhere or dunno is met coincidentally. her cousins was there. den I ignored her didnt even talk to her and just keep walking. Den I hear she say something like why i dun want talk to her or I purposely de. The feeling i had for the dream is that she wants to talk to me or get back with me but den I ignored her.
Is this a sign of I’ve moved on? haha.
And I dreamt of her again like yesterday. Actually not bout her. Dunno why, I saw her and her bf. Den I go to the toilet and saw her bf. I ask the guy, so you are “abcdef”/her bf. (I dunno what name I said in the dream). And he say ya. In my dream, the guy look super young and very “qian bian” + playboy type. Not the guy/her bf in real life now. Next scene. I grab the guy’s neck, hold on to him and say him. I think I said something roughly like this. “You hurt her so much, cheated her andall. but she still never break off with you. You know how much she loves you and how much you have hurt her? You should treat her well. Promise me that you will, if not I will not let you off.” Something like this lah. But I said in a very fierce tone. and like want to beat the guy up. haha..
Then next scene. when I’m alone, I received her sms. Telling me not to hurt her bf and all. if not she will not talk to me again or what. Like she’s protecting her bf. Den in my heart, I was like, “that bastard, go and tell her that I wanted to beat him or had beaten him.” -.-’
That’s all for my dream. haha.. so lame.. I think in real life, I wont go find her bf and say all those to him oso. If not is too drama le. haha. Although I really wanted to tell him those and beat him up. The first dream I talk about seemed like I moved on. 2nd dream seemed like mayb i’ve move on, but I still care and want her to be happy. Or am I living in denial and that I haven’t really moved on? I wonder.. But den, yah… I’m not hoping to get back with her. Maybnot that much like I used to. I think if we are fated, I might have the feeling again if I have the chance with her. But now, I think I dun love her that much anymore. The feeling of loving her has fade. I’ve moved on somehow or another. What will happen in the future we dunno know.
I can’t even support myself now. Not to say if I have a gf. So not really time to talk bout r/s. But still can look out for a partner. haha… Shall not think much bout it.
Dance itself is already making my life busy and emotion roller coaster. Lol. I think dance changed people alot. it makes people worried so much, think too much andall.. Dance should be free. Freedom of expressing. Many people dance, for the sake of performing. Quite true. But what is dance to them, to you and to me ? After so long. I’m still finding true meaning of dance to me. But still, I enjoyed dance. Dance is not only bout the steps in the choreography to me.. If it is, then i’m not dancing.. So what if one gets all the steps right, but can’t bring out the feeling that has to be expressed out? hmm.. So ask yourself what is dance to you from time to time.
