为什么她是这样的人。。有点伤心。。

used to be close with her, den suddenly not and she’s close with someone else. okay maybe with many other people.
why like that huh?  真的是喜新厌旧吗?haiz。 I thought… Why must she step in my life so suddenly den step out so suddenly oso.
Fairytale without a nice ending. Happens always one me.

I think really is just my karma. Relationship karma..
Why do I feel so sad…
Each time you talk bout the new guy, so happily..
Like as if you already attached to him.
my heart just ached…from within…

I’m damn sad bout it..
Can’t get over the fact that you seemed to moved on…. so quick…
Even when we are together, you still have feelings for rizal…
Best still, after we broke off.. you were emo… but not emo of our breakup
but emo of him…
This makes me even heartbroken…

What is our r/s to you, I wondered…
not one time…not twice…
but since the day you said that you feel that I’m controlling you,
stressing you etc.. and even how you treated rizal also controlled by me…
All those words you said….
Do you know it’s really Painful…really…
Guess you might not understand how it feels…
My world just crushed when you said those words..
Cried like….a waterfall

I wondered, are you even sensitive to my feelings?
I feared…not…
Whatever thing that came out of my mouth doesnt seemed to be good…
Be it just a simple, no meaning comment,
you could also made a big fuss of out it…
and everytime we quarrel over something which is actually nothing much…
Cos you were reading too much into the things I said, which doesn’t mean anything…
Somehow I feel that i can’t communicate with you…
That’s how I speaks since long ago…always talking nonsense/disturbing only..
nobody thinks so bad about what i said
but you took everything single thing seriously.
and when Im serious, you think i’m joking..
I’m really very frustrated of it…

Many times, the things I said which is Kou Shi Xin Fei…
But I guess you can’t get the meaning behind it..
and just take it as what the sentence mean on it’s surface…
Trying to have a little bit of Qing Xu, but it’s seemed like I’m playing a piano to a cow..

Now, you’ve a new suitor..
You seemed happy…
tell me things that the guy did, do for you or is willing to for u…
Do you know it just sucks to hear all this?
Yes, I’ll like to know bout how’s him and you…
but not to that extend…
But in terms of, do you have feelings for the guy etc..
Of cos I hope you don’t… but I can’t be selfish
you aint my gf now or whoever..
But love is selfish…

I admit that i’m jealous and all…
I just really can’t get over it…
I’m thinking alot…too much for the fact
each time you told me that you only go out with him lo
he treat you very nice lo, care for you lo… and very persistent for you..
I just can’t stop, but imagine that you always date with the guy,
drives you around.. sms you all day long…
and it seemed like you already preparing for this new r/s

Each time I tried to date you, you can’t make it…
have things on..gathering…family…work…
our time is only during dance..
though you said is quality time…
but it’s get frustrated even when as a bf can’t date you easily…

You said the guy very persistent in dating you..
seemed like i’m not persistent enough…
well of cos he can be persistent.
He sees you almost everyday at work..but not me.
then of cos he dun mind waiting to date you out another time
cos even if he don’t  get to date you, he’ll still sees you at work…
But I don’t sees you everyday.. of cos I hope to date you out asap..
but each time is just a damn rejected feeling…

why you can meet him out for a dinner in the weekday,
but so hard for me when i asked you to meet during the weekday when we were together..
I also persistently asked a number of times, and usually you said tired and all..
not even giving as your bf that time, a chance…
I dun even mind if is me to go down over to your house area
just to meet up for awhile, cos i missed you…
but each time your answer just make me feel…sianed…
I just feel so haiz and argh when  think a bout it…

Even msging between us become lesser..
dunno since when.. but you didnt really wanna msg me..
each time of msg conversations ends abruptly…
I just feel arghh….
It just make me imagine/think that you dun wanna reply me..
or you are busy msging that guy
cos talking to him makes you feel happier…

These feelings…just so damn Fucked-up…

I really wondered….
Have you really moved on from me…
have no feelings for me anymore…things like that…
It just hurts to know the fact that it seemed like you are…

Why
why so fast…
I haven’t even let go…
but you have…completely…
i’m wordless.. crying inside my heart…
It’s really a struggle…
I don’t wanna know that you are attached…
it hurts so bad then my previous r/s
cos i’ll still be seeing you around for dance prac…

The reality really keep haunting me…
ARGH!!!!!!!!!

I wondered myself…
why do I feel so sad…
do i really feel sad because I love you but you have moved on without me?
or just plain jealousy of human being…
why do I love you?
what do i love you?

though our r/s is so short…
but have alot of nice memories..
All this is slowly becoming a daylight nightmare for me..

haiz…
Hope I’ll be fine…
soon…

*wipe away the dust

It’s been more than half a year that I have not blog
But it seemed like years..
nothing much to blog.
or maybe I’m old already and not into blogging
or maybe no one really blog now as the trend goes.

I missed somebody recently
Memories just flows back
kinda of nice feeling
but it’s the past
and she doesn’t cares about it
or I’m just still denying the fact that I have grow up.
and not wanting to leave that memory alone.

i’m not sure.
thing happened for reason(s)
i can’t help it but maybe I still do feel it

I’m lost in my world, sometimes.
but i will get back, somehow
somewhere I know I can feel save
and maybe still behave like a child
young, carefree and happy.
Be back in the day where i fell in love, truly
stop at the moment and enjoying the love
I wished, I dreamed, I hoped
but wishes don’t come true for me
dreams are always broken
and usually hope become hopeless

don’t worry, i’m fine
just taking a roller coaster ride thru my mind
the ride will soon be finished and i will be back in reality

signed off here
Goodnight world

Ever heard of many stories that the guy is treating a girl very bad(flirt, two-timer, beat up the girl etc),
yet the girl cannot let go of the guy and still loves him a lot?
Where some stories is many guy who treat the girl right,
yet they are still seperated with the girl?
Strange huh?!
Lots of girl said want to find a guy who will be good to her.
But in reality, many is different.

Good guy always treat the girl right.

Whereas bad guy is the opposite.
Yet when they ocassionally treat the girl well
the girl will treasure the bad guy more than a good guy
who always treat them good..
Why?
Cause even though the guy treat her bad
but when treat her right ocassionally,
the girl will feel the love from the guy.
Whereas , good guys always showing love
so it became a norm, like 理所当然.

That’s why people always say: “男人不坏 女人不爱.”

Hmm..moral of the explanation?
Be a bad guy who ocassionally treat the girl good,
and you will be with her together forever. LOL

I shall try to be a bad guy now on..muahaha

To me, weekend is now very important. How important is it?

It is “free” day. I can do my stuff.
Basically – dance, go out, enjoy and Get A Life.
Seriously, not matter how tired I am, I will still get myself to go out to at least enjoy and relax.
Out with friends or go for dance. Though usually the time is for dance. Muahaha..
But I need to find the “pushing force” for dance. It seemed like I’m die out for dance recently.
Well, at least today I found back a little bit of that feel for dance. During recital prac. =D it’s a plus point.

This weekend was kinda of interesting and spontaneous one.
Went to Night Safari for halloween as suggested by Fred.
It was a little time wasting cos of queueing up to get in. But still, I enjoyed it alot.
And I get a life. Never knew Singapore’s Halloween were so happening.
Well, I’ve been missing out a lot of the happenings in world for dance.
I shall balance it out with dance.
How I wished I have 72hours.
So I can have dance, be happening other then dance, some time for myself and the reality “Work”.

Will get myself busy for weekend and I will definitely be busy soon. At least until next year April? Hmm.. Wow. then that would be near my 1 year of NS. haha.
Come to think of it, time is slow yet fast. Contradicting huh? This is life.

Haven’t been able to note down my thoughts recently. Too caught with dance prac and all.
I need to reStructure, reOrganise and rehabilitate my life. that’s reSOH. hahah. my surname. SOH. okay. I’m too bored, that’s why came up with the reSOH thing during work time. haha.
But seriously need to organise my life again.
Everyone should do it sometimes too. To refresh life, new determination and life condition.

Shall find a free day to write “article”.
Topic I thought of: “Life is like a Rubix Cube”. Look out for it(When I’m free, which I don’t when). =D
Anyway, I’ve added new links under blogshop..
Well, it’s all ladies’ stuff and most of the blogshop is opened by my friends.
Do check them out. haha. I help to advertise, do I have advertising fee?

I wanna start building my portfolio too, for Uni application purpose.
But den, I not sure what to start of.
I wanna do design, yet I not creative enough and not drawing techinque.
Photography wise, hmm.. still lots to learn. Video editing etc.
But with such a lousy PC I have at home, it’s difficult to work.

Many things I wanna do or learn.
Dance/Piano/Guitar/Photography/Design/Holiday and the list goes on.
And to sum up, everything need $$$$$$$$$. Need huge amount of them actually.
Yet, I have a miserable pay. well.. Save up, which is a challenge. hahahah.

Hmm.. Nothing much to update.
Till then, takecare and smile always.
Stay Tune..

Quotes of the Week

Buddhism is about win or lose. To win is to attain true happiness. Then what is true happiness? Answer can be found in my blog entry in blogger.

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